Mind damnit blown!
I don’t know where to begin so let’s start with sweet sappy stupid Senator McSexy. Andrew, are you that innocent or are you actually that stupid? I read somewhere that when you are dead, you allegedly don’t know that you are dead, its difficult only for others. It’s the same when you are stupid. Stupid! You are a politician, a statesman, a public servant and you are in love! That's all good and well but you are smitten with the forbidden fruit my man! You'd best get in line lest ye be banished from the garden, like forever! I swear you and Fitz must have been bred in the same school for stupid world leaders. Let me make this clear, Mellie is off limits, you can’t have her. She’s married, (she’s a freak) to your partner and friend (yeah, but she’s a freak) who chose you to bring on the ticket. (Did you see what she did last week? She’s a freakin freak!!!) Here’s the thing Drew, Liv was absolutely right, she was a bit harsh, but she was right. Mellie is certainly a "run with the big dogs kind of woman". There is a part of Mellie that would have loved you down to your bare loving soul, then when she was raw from giving it up, she would have given you up. Your arms, your bed and your life would be empty. You put a lot into your career and will lose it for what? A roll on the White House carpet? (Since no one can find anything to screw on other than a desk or the floor) You love her? Let her go, you know the rest, you're not that dumb! You do a good job at standing up to Liv, but she’s not the one you need to have the conversation with. You're going to need a little selfie face time.
“Tell me something, …what’s it like being you?... cutting peoples throats and calling it politics; appealing to the lowest basic part of humanity scraping the bottom of a person’s soul, carrying out these little emotional assasinations…. I love her.”
You stood there defiant, chin up, with your healing black eye still smarting as
Liv handed you your drawers to wipe your tears; dry up your body moisture and put them away. She patted you on the back,
told you to man up in a way only she could deliver and only you would understand. She also gave another gift. She just gave you a clear path to the
presidency in four years; big dog.
Left Hook Mellie
Words cannot describe how I'm feeling you this week! You stepped up with an open faced, five fingered kaboww followed up with a public screaming tantrum, well girl, after I picked up my bottom lip from the floor, I stood up gave you a one woman standing O!
Gabby Pope
Ah, but the best of the best get disrespected before they are
respected. Out of all the gladiators, you have a lot of substance, a great deal
of style, you have a backbone and are semi ethical. You have to be willing
to get your hands a little more dirty to be OCP, but you done good this week for starters girlie. Word of warning, watch out for a couple of folks in the Blanca Mansion; that creep Leo may try to make a move on you girlfriend, he is weird and seemingly finds being obnoxious a turn-on! Nice coat, but
looks like Cyrus might have his eyes on it, don't take it off! Don’t worry about the others, they are too busy nursing their libidos to
even remember your name, Gabby. Great ultimate fluff to the fluffer when she shared with you her father wanted to disappear her and she should have run.
"You don't get to run. You're a gladiator. Gladiators don't run. They fight, they slay dragons, they wipe off the blood and stich up their wounds and they live to fight another day. You dont get to run."Best OCP imitation thus far. Love it! Word of advice, don't do the proxy thing anymore, while your in-house imitation works your external imitation works more like roach repellant, you would have been more effective if you sang Kumbayah. Keep working the political destruction in the background, you're good at that.
The Family that Preys; part deux
Momma Maya
The Bicked Witch of the best. You are revered in your industry, according to now extinct one affair Claire. You didn't have to kill that poor chile to make a point! Who are you? It’s official, you have bigger gonads than your baby daddy. I thought my heart was going to jump out of my chest when you joined your daughter and ex for dinner. How do you keep tabs on them, where does your intel come from? Good or bad, you can get er done; your can do attitude has been inherited by your daughter. I'm going to need more scenes with you and Eli, you have some serious catching up to do. You don't need a knife, all you need to do is sharpen your claws.Eli the doting daddy
Your words are like poetry; yet you are as verbose as you are manic!
Your next line to your daughter should have been but not as much as I love you beloved, but you're not the normal matriarch of a normal family now, are you? You knew at the outset that your daughter would do whatever it took to bring down B613, the sick dog, even sleep with Jake. Every move you make, is premeditated, it wasn't Huck making the request, it was your orchestration. You just let the pieces fall into place. You pimped your baby girl. Does Momma Maya know what you've done? Bringing wits to a knife fight wasn't the thing to do in the restaurant. You're going to get your wish, but you just might get your baby girl killed in the meantime.
"I’m helping you put down an animal, a dog that isn’t mine anymore... a dog that is sick and malnourished because its new master doesn’t know how to care for it ...so rather than sit here and see it watch it bleed to death I’ve chosen to euthanize it to show it mercy not because I hate it but because I love it"
Your next line to your daughter should have been but not as much as I love you beloved, but you're not the normal matriarch of a normal family now, are you? You knew at the outset that your daughter would do whatever it took to bring down B613, the sick dog, even sleep with Jake. Every move you make, is premeditated, it wasn't Huck making the request, it was your orchestration. You just let the pieces fall into place. You pimped your baby girl. Does Momma Maya know what you've done? Bringing wits to a knife fight wasn't the thing to do in the restaurant. You're going to get your wish, but you just might get your baby girl killed in the meantime.
Poped, Pimped and Poppin it
Olivia you remind me of the song by the Whispers - "got distracted on her way, to grandmothers house... now she's turned out, lost and turned out." More like turned up wouldn't you agree? How do you do what you do? How you do bounce between beds like that? Is that your way of fixing you? Way to get to Fitz; am I your fluffer today?? The green in jealous does look kind of petty on you, I must say. You send in Abby as your proxy and all hell still broke loose! Girlfriend, you did have a rough day, your lover boy yelled at you, you yelled back at him, tore down the VEEP on the ticket, disrespected a Senator and oh yeah, you are frozen in your seat while having dinner with pops as your terrorist; killer mom sashays over to the table throws back your wine, giggles, tells you she loves you, throws shade at your pops and Pope struts away. Hard day in the life of a fixer, you say. Your solution is to almost get shot by your murderous rejected fake ex boyfriend. You go to his place to sex him. You are ranting about your rough day and you are wearing your "do me" eyes, all to disguise the fact that you are after something! All because Huck gave you a guilt line? Chick please! You never say what you want, you handle his advances, you do him so good he passes the hell out. (Oh yes, he's done) You did enjoy yourself. You show a little remorse when you pick up the device to attach it to his device. (So good, you did it twice) You were so convincing. You told him you missed him too, did you lie? He was convinced. I know I was! He trusted you and you betrayed him. You did the unspeakable. You used the power of the poonany proficiently to procure an end to the pervasive power of B613 with your daddy's help. Now you must remember what your dad told you "You may not trust me but at least be smart enough to know my priorities and predict my behavior accordingly" Think Liv think.... aw dayam! Too late! Dead poonany walking! The killer is in the building.Consider it handled
Fitzgerald Grant. Either you are a complete control freak, a crybaby, or you are exclusively led by the whip in your pants. I need Andrew to stop screwing my wife, wah!!! I want a new candidate on the ticket wah!!! Because Andrew is screwing my wife!!! wahh!! My wife is not sexual wah!!! But Andrew is screwing my wife!!! Wah!!! Oh man shut the hell up, you're making my toes itch!! You are screwing your side piece - oh no, "The love of my life" you call her, but you also want to be loved by the one you married and for punishment, you take what little pleasures your wife have in a man that actually loves her. I'm totally missing something here, what's good for the goose, right? You then decide have a hissy because said sidepiece called in sick (of your ass) and sent her proxy who you totally dissed. You treated her like the shinola on your shoe! (Old heads know the whole phrase! LOL!!) What's left of my respect for you is fleeting at best, and it's official, you are a whino. To make matters even worse you decide to go out on your own and vet a candidate for your ticket that would result in veritable political suicide. Now most candidates have a committee for vetting and doing research and background checks on a potential candidate, not the friggin POTUS!!! While you should be involved in the process at some point, there is no way you would do that personally! Dam dude! Isn't it enough doing your job?Must you do the job of the minions that surround you as well? I'm going to need to rewrite your job description. Go lay down in the crib next to Teddi; you need a babysitter, and shut up while you're at it. All you needed to do was lead the free world and you can't even do that right.
Jake. “I
been drankin; I been drankin…” Now, any self-respecting lovelorn reject would
at least make drunk calls or send drunk texts hoping it would land you up in
the middle of a real live booty call. Nooo,
you go and knock on Liv’s door! What were you thinking? Ooops, you weren’t, you
were drinking! That’s one reason to hide
behind the truth that the OC (Original Command) put down to you last week; you
are ALONE. Now, that’s different from
lonely, and if you don’t know the difference between the two by now, I pity you
fool. I’m questioning a lot about you, one is about your sanity. You should be
a little more paranoid than you are, yet you are obstinate and arrogant. You
are not the plan ahead kind of guy are you? Well, OC was and he got your ass
this time, oh yes with the help of his baby girl who pimped herself out to get
next to you, (pardon the pun) one more time. (Note; she even got the booty call down better
than you did, and you fell for it!) Now here we are, your hands around her neck
with a justifiable homicide story all played out and ready to go in your head. The
first time she wound up in the hospital, granted, that was a horrible accident.
Ooops! She bumped her head, while trying to get away from you after she was
horrified to discover were literally stalking her. This time, it’s deliberate and it’s for the
sake of the future of the Republic; what will you choose?
Alone and Standing in the Sun
Jake. “I
been drankin; I been drankin…” Now, any self-respecting lovelorn reject would
at least make drunk calls or send drunk texts hoping it would land you up in
the middle of a real live booty call. Nooo,
you go and knock on Liv’s door! What were you thinking? Ooops, you weren’t, you
were drinking! That’s one reason to hide
behind the truth that the OC (Original Command) put down to you last week; you
are ALONE. Now, that’s different from
lonely, and if you don’t know the difference between the two by now, I pity you
fool. I’m questioning a lot about you, one is about your sanity. You should be
a little more paranoid than you are, yet you are obstinate and arrogant. You
are not the plan ahead kind of guy are you? Well, OC was and he got your ass
this time, oh yes with the help of his baby girl who pimped herself out to get
next to you, (pardon the pun) one more time. (Note; she even got the booty call down better
than you did, and you fell for it!) Now here we are, your hands around her neck
with a justifiable homicide story all played out and ready to go in your head. The
first time she wound up in the hospital, granted, that was a horrible accident.
Ooops! She bumped her head, while trying to get away from you after she was
horrified to discover were literally stalking her. This time, it’s deliberate and it’s for the
sake of the future of the Republic; what will you choose? Harrison and Huck
Another awkward Scandal bromance. Huck lost Jake as his kickside since he graduated from being a gremlin to a full fledged monster. The two of you hairballs commiserate over a drink while having a "mans man" conversation about women? That was both hysterical and weird on so many levels. A more random conversation on the impact of global warming on homelessness would have been more profound and believeable coming from a man who licks women's faces for kicks. Then Harrison you tell Huck "You're lucky your not normal, man"? Dude, exactly what does "Normal" look like??? Your idea of normal is once you buy a girl a drink, the drawers are yours. Oh yeah, then they become the new pain in your neck. Come on home to mamma baby, I need to teach you a thing or two about women! Huck, you stay back, I’m not giving you any reason to drink whiskey in my house!You're Special
Charlie is the gnat that flies around your head, the schitt on your shoe, the attention seeking ass that talks way too loudly on the phone while in line at the grocery store. How many times are you going to threaten Robin with that whole your special, line in reference to dating. She doesn't need much, a simple, I love you will do. This whole, moving in without asking, 24 hour surveilance, spending time together, forced fusing, aw hell no. You won't even let the darn girl breathe! We all know the only thing you truly find special is a 38 Smith & Wesson. Watch your back Quinn. On the other hand, all the rest of your prior lovers have wound up in the land of permanent past tense. Nothing beats forever but to die. I'm just sayin.Best bitchfight of the week
Leo: "I'm the awesome client from awesome town"Cyrus: "More like suck it town"
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